Dishing Out the Truth About Ikea

First off, congratulations to Summer on her accomplishment! 

Last year before I moved into my new apartment, I went on a mad shopping spree to buy stuff for my apartment - you know the essential stuff like a futon, a table, dishware, energy-saving lightbulbs, etc. It was my first experience, but I was amazed at how cheap the stuff was there and, really, how some of the stuff is actually pretty decent quality. The "silver"ware has been great. Despite finding some phantom screws underneath it, nobody has sat on the futon and crashed to the floor (where the hell did those screws come from, anyway?), and even the dishware has been surprisingly sturdy and shatter-resistant (despite my utter clumsiness and lack of a grip with my rubber gloves on while washing them).

So imagine my surprise when yesterday I discovered the following....ON THE SAME DAY, within hours of each other:

• A large chip off the edge of one of my big plates
• A small microscopic chip (though surely capable of giving me a bloody lip, I'm sure) off the edge of one of my glasses.
• A crack on the handle of one of my mugs. 

I'm certain that these things weren't there the day before. I have no option but to judge Ikea dishware like I judge Chrysler transmissions: they should come with a "Best if used by" date. In this case, 1.5 years or 400 hand-wash cycles, which ever comes first.

It's been an exciting week and half since we last talked. I had my birthday party at the German beer garden, which went off exceptionally well and without anybody getting arrested for dancing on the tables or other drunk and disorderly conduct. The place was surprisingly packed by about 6:30 on a Friday night, which is just way too early. I guess the hipsters living off their trust funds don't really have to go to work, so they just leave their artist studios when they feel like drinking liters of beer on the first night of Oktoberfest. But I digress (and mock).

We engaged in a battle with a neighboring group for control of one of the large "beer banken" and eventually won when their soldiers started standing and loitering, at which point we flanked their position and gained the high ground so that all of our soldiers could settle in for the evening with hard tack (also known as tasty sausages, fries, and an assortment of delectable mustards [thanks Paul!!]), beverage sharing, and jovial music. Have I been reading too many Civil War novels since Gettysburg? The beer garden was great, although it might have been a little too "hip" for me and despite the genuine beverages and food, I think I prefer the aura of the Czech beer garden in Astoria a bit more for a regular visit. But it was a nice change of scenery for a Birthday.

This past weekend was an interesting one. It started off the way the best weekends always start off - with an evening full of movies ("Che II" in this case) and technical support! Nana got herself a shiny new computer and despite an initial setback of "Boot device not found" (not something that you want to see ever, especially the first time you boot up your computer) Frata quickly mastered English with an Indian accent and then the art of the computer's innards and they had the computer up and running and ready for system restoration from Your's Truly's Technical Support (highly recommended, by the way. Look them up). I got mischievous and accidentally disconnected myself from my Teamviewer remote access to their computer, but I got everything working by Sunday.

Saturday we enjoyed a few hours of Bachata and Merengue classes (look out sketchy Jackson Heights discos!) followed by a downpour and a road trip to Trader Joe's to stockpile our food for the next few days (chips)/weeks (cheese)/months ($0.67 beers). At night, we were graciously invited to check out the Royal Manhattan Triumvirate's (that would be Paul, Cathy, and D) favorite singer Brandi Carlile - live and in concert at the visually and acoustically beautiful Beacon Theater. A highlight of the performance that only someone like my dad could truly appreciate was when the whole band moved to the front of the stage, in front of the monitors and sound equipment, and performed a song that the entire theater could hear christal-clear. The show was very impressive and I give Paul, Cathy, and D a thumbs-up on their musical tastes after that show!

J. Riley, and now, back to my regularly scheduled activities of reading Civil War novels (I'm on the Last Full Measure after reading Killer Angels) and studying up on my 2010 health and welfare benefits.