The Onion | Countdown To The Recount 2004

Countdown To The Recount 2004

Brie's Cheese

Thanks to my ability to successfully peer pressure, I'm adding Brie's Cheese to my list of blogs to read...

Eminem's New Video

Is Eminem the next Che? Or is he just tired of the BS like the rest of us?

Strange Sense of Motivation

Today was a very strange day for me. It all started off pretty normal, working from home, getting very little done, but preparing for my usual after-lunch surge of productivity. I had a lunch meeting with my boss and co-worker (part of the new "please give us some feedback, Mr. Boss-man") downtown, which I thought would be fun. It was fine, he gave us positive feedback and said we were on schedule and doing fine. My co-worker (who is very very strong technically) and boss (who is super-man when it comes to technology, a former member of the Israeli Special Forces for IT stuff) started talking about interview questions for some new guy that we are hiring. Naturally, being "soft" technically (relatively speaking), I couldn't answer the questions they were talking about asking. My boss was very surprised that he hadn't asked me some of these questions, but I'm sure he didn't, because otherwise I would have been much more pessimistic about getting the job to begin with. Suddenly, I started to feel quite inferior and realize that I haven't really taken the initiative to learn a lot in the three months at this new job, considering how much technical material there is to learn in this area, especially considering the fact that I sold my boss on my ability to learn things.

So I walked away from the meeting feeling a little dodgy about myself, but I didn't really think about it much after that. I headed up to the Bronx to finish up some clinic site visits at two high schools. Maybe it was hearing the kids screaming (I mean, out-of-control screaming) in the hallways, maybe it was the armed policeman walking around the halls, maybe it was the junior high kids sneaking into the nurses office to take something out of one of the nurses drawers while she was tending to another student in another room, or maybe it was the...espresso I had after lunch, but on my way home, I suddenly got really...motivated.

My previous job pretty much totally drained me of all motivation, but suddenly it's back, with a vengence. On my way home, I changed courses and went to Barnes & Nobles, intent on finding a book recommended by my coworker on TCP/IP. I found the book, realized that it was probably written for people pursuing a PhD in Geekology and WAY over my head, but I still had the burning desire to find a book to buy on the subject, and a burning desire to get some serious work accomplished. I went home and totally dove headfirst into my work.

I don't know what's gotten into me, but I am going to take some serious time out of my irresponsible schedule and get some work and edu-ma-cating of myself done. Because life, it's a balancing act.....

I got the first of 12 World Soccer magazines in the mail today, shortly after I drooled over the same edition at the Barnes and Noble. It's quite ironic, because I had to force my wallet back into my pants to refrain from buying it right there on the spot, a mere 10 minutes before I pulled it out of my mailbox at home.

Strange day, strange blog....

Album: Fall 2004

Other than cleaning up my apartment, I also got a little exercise walking through Central Park. Check it!

Album: Fall 2004

Oblique Master

Well this was certainly one of my busier weekends. Graham and Brie were out here for a week and they left on Saturday afternoon. The problem was that I had already signed up, a few months back, to volunteer for New York Cares Day, which is an annual Fall event with my volunteer organization when they go clean up schools around the city. I was banished to...I mean assigned to Washington Heights, which is way up at the north-western tip of Manhattan, one of the more difficult areas to get to from the Upper East Side where I reside. I thought that the best resolution was for me to flake out and sleep in until noon, but then I felt guilty, knowing that there was probably a door at a school that would remain unpainted because of my selfishness. And I don't think that I could justify my existence on earth if that door remained unpainted...

I stayed up moderately late on Friday night (til around 2:00am) with Graham and Brie, with whom I went to dinner, went to the Coffee Bar (where there was no coat-check girl working; Loretta from Madrid, if you read my blog, please let me know where you are!), went to an improv comedy show starring Graham's childhood friend, went to a few bars, and met a few of Graham's college friends down in the West Villiage. So, yea, it was a busy night. The subway cards were utilized to their full extent.

So, a few hours later, I was awake and bus-bound for Washington Heights with Cathy. Paul was going to join us, but the poor guy had to go to Israel for work. So while he was basking in the Mediteranean Sea getting sunburnt, I was utilizing my unusually large bicep, pectoral, and glutious maximus muscles carrying school books from a bookroom to organized piles out in the auditorium. I tell you, public schools are amazingly disorganized. It's amazing what a team of 10 volunteers can do for a school in just one hour. We had that book room completely cleaned out and had the other book room completely organized within another 45 minutes.

To show their appreciation, the parents' of the students (primarily immigrant families) made us an awesomely authentic lunch with about 3.5 tons of rice, beans, whole chickens, salad, desserts, and some orange-colored substance that tasted exactly how easter eggs smell. I guess that would be vinegar? Well, suffice to say that I burned a few K-calories and added some more lean mass to my already bulging triangle-shaped upper body. Uh...that would be an inverted-triangle, I suppose.

...All of which brings me to my blog title for today. In my Eight Hour Abs post (a not-so-witty reference to There's Something About Mary), I mentioned how I wanted an exercise ball for Christmas. Well, Santa came early for me this year, because the very next day I went to the sporting goods shop to investigate said exercise balls. And, naturally, if I was already checking them out, I might as well buy one. So I did. And now I sit here, blogging away while sitting with yogan posture on my 65cm exercise ball. The muscles along my spinal cord and down around my waist are very curious about this new posture, and they seem to be complaining about the lack of bad posture. I will provide updates as I adapt to this new lifestyle, but, regardless, I hope to actually use the exercise ball for exercise, as well. Since these are frequently used for pilates, I have no doubt that I will make one or two attempts to use them for these exercises. And I have no doubt that I will be able to add the "oblique" muscle to my list of abnormally burly physical attributes....

Bushism

Q: What's the difference between Vietnam and the war in Iraq?

A: George W. had a plan on how to get out of Vietnam

lol...

The Container Store: Obsession, for

The Container Store: Obsession, for men.Or maybe it's just me.

"Ooops! I...Did-it-again"

I played with your heart, got lost in the game.

Well, actually, not really. But I did succeed in summoning calamity for the second time in a row when it comes to getting tickets for a Broadway show. The last time I bought tickets for a show ("Mamma Mia"), I got them for Sandy and Daniel, and I got them for a Wednesday night rather than a Saturday night (since they were only in town for a long weekend, this was a problem). A few weeks back I went down to get tickets for "The Lion King" for Graham, Brie, and myself. Well, I took a gander at them today just to make sure that I didn't screw things up again, and, once again, a blonde moment. The tickets are for next week, not for tomorrow.

In a morning panic, I got dressed and rushed down to Time Square to try to exchange the tickets. Apparently Lion King is the second most popular show on Broadway at the moment, so the outlook was bleak. An hour later, and I was back home, $60 poorer after paying $20 more per ticket for tomorrow's show.Hmmm, Ramen noodles sound good for lunch.

Good lord, I need to dye my hair black or something....

J. Riley, the man with the almighty-whitey blonde hair.

Eight Hour Abs

For Christmas I want a giant exercise ball, which will replace my chair at home. I need something to help me with my posture and strengthen my body core, and the exercise ball is the perfect ingredient. Seeing as how I work so much from home, and when I'm not working I'm dorking around on my computer (or writing my blog, if that's not dorking around), I think I could use a little help with aligning my head with my spine with my hips with my legs with my ankles -- a true Yogan posture.

The Best Wurst Sauce Ever

So the brother and wife are in town (his, not mine). They arrived on Saturday night after the long flight from San Diego. Seeing as how this was their only weekend night at my place (since they're leaving on Saturday), we cruised down to the Lower East Side (where else?) with a mini-entourage of Paul and Cathy. After waltzing around trying to find a new place to eat at (I know they exist, I read about them all the time!!), we ended up at Kuma Inn, which some of you may recognize because it was in J. Riley's premiere blog posting back in March. This time, it wasn't Valentine's Day and there was no prix-fixe menu. Being an Asian-French fusion restaurant serving tapas (which are Spanish), we were in for a treat. The classic plate, which we ordered two of, are the Chinese sausages with lime-chili sauce, which I have termed the best wurst (uhh....that means "sausage" auf deutsch) sauce ever. It really is the bomb. Really.

Afterwards, we cruised around to some of the overcrowded bars in the neighborhood. The flavor in that part of town is definetely punk/vintage/rock and roll, as were the places we stopped by in. We did find a cool band playing and we hung out there for a bit. The lead singer was wearing a "John Kerry is a Rockstar" shirt (because he is) and low-rise jeans.

Question for the audience: who thinks that low-rise jeans on a guy are stylish? I think they are, but the Californians seem to differ. Can you PLEASE click on "Comments" down below and tell me what you think? If you don't know what low-rise jeans are, feel free to tell me about how my blog is the best (or worst) thing you've ever read. Ever.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. After cruising the nightlife scene, we headed to the traditional Teany tea-shop to get a bellies full of warm milk teanychinos to cap the night off. MMmmhhh....teanychinos.

Sunday morning (more like afternoon), we headed down to Chelsea and went to Rue de Crepe, a French brunch joint. While waiting an hour for our seat, we noticed that right in front of us was Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay. Unfortunately, his wife Gweneth Paltrow must have been at home in the West Villiage with their baby, Apple. I was going to ask about their upcoming tour dates, but I figured I'd just leave him alone and let him enjoy his banana-nutella crepe with a side of fresh fruit (two pieces of orange, three grapes, and four pieces of pineapple) and a pot of fries. I wasn't stairing or anything.....

No más tango chalazio,

J. Riley

Trivia

"I had a nice little weekend planned. I'll blog about it, but I don't know if I'll have the TIME!" (Name that movie!)

The Wanderer

Today I capped my work-week with a journey around Brooklyn. A benefit (or is it liability?) of my job is that I get to scour the streets of all five boroughs of NYC, auditing clinics located in glamorous places like the projects and low-income areas. I admit that, as a young man raised in safe, suburban California, there are stereotypes and prejudices that I harbor, and I'm not exactly proud of that, but it is reality. However, I embraked on my journey through Brooklyn on my own and, as I discovered with other parts of New York: I believed what I see in movies and what I hear in rap songs, but it's really not as bad as what my prejudices had me believing. It's really not that bad!

Hey, which one of you works for Phillip Morris (or a susidiary)? An unknown fanclub? An overworked, miserable consultant? Take off your mask and REVEAL YOURSELF! Enquiring minds (uhh...that would be me) want to know....

Graham and Brie arrive tomorrow....

Oh, the irony of it all....

If Bush was running against Jesus in the campaign (JPEG Image, 375x499 pixels)

Isn't it ironic.....don't you think?

The Hit-Counter

Maybe some of you have noticed that I've added a nifty little counter to the blog, down at the bottom of the right-hand side, near the Firefox logo. Firefox is a browser that is much much much more secure than Internet Explorer and is very easy to use! You should download and install it, you will discover the true meaning of life with it. Maybe that's an exaggeration. But, I digress - back to the hit counter. With the addition of this counter, I can now track who comes to my site - and who doesn't :-o !! Christmas time is approaching, and just like Santa, J. Riley knows who's been naughty (and if you're one of them, you're not reading this right now) and who's been nice. The Haines household holds a significant lead in checking my blog the most frequently, and I'm sure they're disappointed at not seeing many updates lately. It's been quite a busy week, however. Some of us have actually been diligently working, which, much like many illegal drugs, has ill side effects on time dedicated to blogging.

I've also had a full social calendar after work this week. After shopping and cooking all day Sunday, I had Spanish classes Monday night, Yoga Tuesday night, Yoga + debates Wednesday night, meeting up with Jules (ex-former-coworker) from Chicago on Thursday night to catch up on life on the road, and meeting a friend-of-a-friend on Friday night (hopefully). Then, Graham and Brie arrive on Saturday night and stay for a week. Then, the German invasion continues with some of Alex's old friends coming to town for ten days.

Folks, I'm gonna be busy. But not busy enough to not watch the hit-counter!!!

J. Riley

A Case of the Sundays

Well, the end of the weekend approaches. Okay, it's actually here.....

Friday night was pretty crazy. Dinner was excellent at Rain East, which is a Malaysian restaurant serving up delightful food. And white-wine sangria! Afterwards, we headed down Pioneer Bar on Bowery Avenue, which was a massive, pretty mellow place to sit with everyone and have a few cold ones. Per birthday boy's request, we then walked down the block to a local karaoke place. While waiting for our private room, I thought it would be fun to sit in the absent "security guard's" chair. It then occurred to me that it would be great to pretend like I actually had muscles and was taller than six feet. So, I started asking for ID's from the people walking through the front door. Some people were bummed about being carded, maybe because they were underage, but I "let them go this time" after glancing at their ID. I don't even know where birthdates are on NY drivers' licenses. And it was a BYOB joint, so it's not like people even had to be over...10. Good times, good times....

After returning home from the events, I got my four hours of sleep before I had to wake up and do my community duties with some kids from a Hell's Kitchen housing authority. I begrudgingly headed downtown and met some great citizens of the city, most of which were my age, while having fun with some kids. I got to learn the basics of capoeira (intriguing; could I fit that in my schedule???) and hung out at some parks down in the East Village. I'll definitely be back next month to meet up with some of the other volunteers and see the kids again...

After a few hours of napping afterwards, I saw The Motorcycle Diaries, a film about the revolutionary Che Guevara and the events that he witnessed while touring South America that caused him to want to change the world later in his life (he helped create the Cuban Revolution). It was a very moving film and I recommend seeing it. It's amazing how so little has changed in South America from the 1950's (when the movie took place) and now....

Taking the movie to heart, I spent Sunday shopping, starting at about 3:00 when everyone was ready to go. I began with spending last week's paycheck buying vegetables for dinner at the local gourmet grocery store. I mean, it's ridiculous. $15 for strawberries???? Okay, I won't go there again. I passed on the strawberries, but did buy some great stuff for tonight's Couscous and Winter Vegetables dinner. If anyone wants the easy recipe, email me.

Afterwards, it was on to the seven-floor Macy's in Herald's Square and all of the stores between the 33rd St. subway stop and there. I got me some new jeans (of questionable Euro-tightness) as well as a new shirt (dual purpose, as always, for work and/or social activities), a killer orange/grey wool/cashmere sweater, and a new comforter for the guests (I hope no one is allergic to down feathers!).

And then I made dinner for myself, and......I mean Paul, Cathy, and myself. It was fabulous, and the $1,357 in vegetables that I bought earlier in the day were delectable. So was the $1.59 couscous..... :)

J. Riley

Webcam Action

I recently invested in a new geeky gadget - a webcam. It's pretty nifty, I can use any of the major chat programs to have a live video conference with my friends. I need to figure out how to get the audio to work, but I have faith that eventually other webcam geeks can look and talk to me over instant messengers. Remember those AT&T commercials about ten years ago, showing the workaholic fathers on the road travelling, but checking in with the happy wife and role-model children? Yea, it's like that....

On Monday, I'm embarking on a new adventure by starting up Spanish classes - introductory, of course. I have little doubt that within the ten weeks that I have class, I will be completely fluent. I guess it would've helped to have taken this class a few months ago - before I went to Spain. But, hey, at least I'll have it for the next trip I take, in about two years when I have more than 4 days of vacation left.

Leif came on Sunday, but he's gone already. Yea, that's what I said. He didn't stay a weekend here!! Man, I was disappointed. But, I took him to a happening place on Sunday night - Baraonda. It supposed to be a crazy party there on Sunday nights at around midnight, so I thought we would check it out. Unfortunately, Leif and his girlfriend aren't the loud, crowded restaurant types, and some of us had to work the next day, so we called it in early, at about 12:15. I gotta go back there on a three-day weekend, though. I've gotta!!

Tonight I'm heading down to Rain East in midtown for dinner with my ex-roommate Alan and his friends. Afterwards, we're heading down to the Lower East Side to check out Pioneer Bar. Should be a big night! Tomorrow, I'm going with some kids to capoeira (a Brazilian martial art / dance) lessons with a housing assistance group. Big weekend....

Mighty Mighty Boss Tunes

Wednesday night I get a call from Cathy at around 11:15pm. As many of you know, this is well past my bedtime. Well, more like 15 minutes past my bedtime. On a good night. In any case, she caught me on a good night because I was at a karaoke bar with Sean and Alan for some post-dinner festivities. Sean quit his job at my former employer this week, and Alan had Thursday and Friday off, so of course they wanted to go out. But, I digress....

So Cathy called me and asked if I wanted to go see Bruce Springsteen, R.E.M., and John Fogerty in Philadelphia on Friday for a "Vote for Change" (aka Bush sucks) benefit concert. I said "Sure", even though I'm not like the world's biggest "Boss" fan. It's not that I don't like him, I'm just...indifferent.

We high-tailed it down to Philly on Friday after work on a few trains and, after checking into the airport Hilton (free, thanks to spending my last three years living in hotels such as these), we caught the concert. And I have a lot more respect for the Boss now that I've seen him jam in concert. He, Fogerty, R.E.M., and Bright Eyes (the opening garage band from NYC) put on an awesome show!!

Saturday consisted of travelling back to the city after spending the night in Philly and getting home just in time for the futon installers to arrive. The futon was installed just in time for Paul and Cathy to pull an Enron on my apartment (complete reorganization of my assets; please note that my financial well-being was not affected, however). Even with the addition of my futon, I feel like my apartment is bigger than it was before. Check it out for yourself, as soon as I post pictures!